K I - M E . B L O G S P O T . C O M

Its that time again.

No. Its not the new year. But the time where I'll suddenly feel lost, jaded and miserable.

But before we get to that, I had the time of my life in Australia for 13 days. It was so awesome I wished it never end. It was like a dream come true. Too good to believe. And I'm glad I could share the experience with you.

But now its back to reality. Back to the cold hard fact that I've already completed my degree course and I'm officially unemployed. I may joke about it, but in fact I'm so scared inside. I'm afraid I can't find a job that I like, I'm afraid of the unknown and what the future holds. But yet I must say I'm covering it up pretty nicely.

Apart from that, I'm slapped again with the same issue. _ just chatted with me online today. I thought things were turning for the better but reality hit me and it seems like nothings changed and everything remained the same. I hate it when I'm trying my best but can't do anything about it.

I must learn not to get my hopes up too high and expect things. Its really easy to say, I've been trying my best to do it, but honestly, it's really very hard to.

I don't know how long more I can hold. I want this more than anything else. And I will wait. Patiently. Till the day I can't wait anymore. I dare not think about that day and I pray that that day will never come.

To make things worse, I haven't been feeling my best since the day I came back from Aust. My body's in a mess and I hate to go through it alone. I want to confide in someone and just cry my eyes out.

I need you more than anything else right now. But I need to learn how to be independent. I cannot get used to relying on people for one day I might just be left alone.

Its a good thing I don't have school or work to add on to my emotional load. Or maybe it's because I'm too free that's why my brain has space for such stuff. But in one way or another, no matter how busy I am, this would still be in the back of my head and it'll never go away.